Most of my life, I’ve been afraid of myself. Yes, if there’s a phobia that describes “self-fear”, I definitely have had it for most of my age. I’m not scared of myself, I’m scared of how wrong I can be, how much people can hate me, how hard I can fall or how bad I can fail. The fear of not being “good enough” has always kept me behind closed doors. Doors that always had an opportunity knocking on them. But I always felt that those opportunities weren’t meant for me.
Soon the time passed and with it the opportunities too. Now the fear of being behind the closed doors crept in so bad that stepping outside seemed like a much better path. A path that was unseen, unknown and definitely untraveled before. I knew I was alone here, but at some point isn’t everybody alone?
I took a few small steps thinking I’d reach the destination. Unknown of this world outside my door, I tripped hard and hurt myself too but I got up since this was the only way remaining right? Another few steps got me to diversions in the path I chose, since the destination was far, I thought to befriend my journey and trusted myself and my instinct. Another few steps brought me to a sea where I saw my reflection which was unclear but this time it looked fearless, brave and proud. The confidence to move further came in diminishing the fear that had taken place in me for so many years.
I took a few more steps and understood that I had come into the wrong direction. So what would I do now? I corrected my mistakes and went further. I won’t say that I’ve reached my destination but this journey has taught me a lot. From being afraid to do something because I could be wrong, to do something because I could be right too. This path of learning has sure been longer than it should have been but I’ve learned to think about the rights of the left way.
So now it doesn’t matter what can go wrong, because I can make it right. What matters is what can go right. 🙂